The Ups and Downs of Parenthood
Faeryn, Reading- Berkshire, Saudi Arabia, Scotland, Uncategorized, United Kingdom 4 Comments »Well, looking out the window you certainly do not sense it is Summer. The trees have been swaying in the wind almost continually for the past few weeks. I hang the washing out with some trepidation as grey clouds loom overhead. It’s a much greater risk these days, as should it start to rain, I may be too tied up with Faeryn to rescue the laundry! Although in saying this, Monday is set to be one of the hottest days yet at 32 degrees.
Bo and I have the utmost respect for single parents. Nearly four months into it and still parenthood feels like the greatest challenge life has to offer- we only have one baby too! I have no idea how my sister Michelle managed to raise her young boys, pretty much on her own, with family support too far away to be of any real help. Michelle- you have our deepest admiration!
At this point we both can agree that Faeryn could not exactly be described as an easy-going baby. Sometimes it feels like it is just getting harder and harder, you overcome one obstacle and another flairs up. Firstly it was trying to get Faeryn to nurse from me, then stressing about her weight gain, then trying to get her to sleep better. Right now it is colic and I’m sure once that is sussed it will be teething! Faeryn is not much of a burper, and we celebrate her burps and farts with much excitement. We had her on Infacol, and now Gripe Water (thanks Olga!) which helps her to fart and burp I think (or they’re just way more audible now). It would be wonderful if babies were built with a wind release button!
On Thursday we saw a Craniosacral Therapist who specialises in treating babies with colic. We really hoped it would be the solution, but the session left us feeling heavy and doubtful. Faeryn gave a pretty good performance with her wailing and demonstrating her frustration (possibly because she had a wet nappy and was hungry). The therapist picked up on some of her body language. Faeryn forcefully strikes her belly with her left hand, possibly in the area where she is feeling the trapped gas, and when she started doing this in the session, the therapist pressed down on that area, and suggested we do the same. Faeryn also demonstrated her foot-swiping. I thought she was doing this because her skin is quite irritated there- she also rubs behind her knees where the skin is particularly raw. The therapist offered a pretty fluffy explanation for this foot-swiping, saying that when I was pregnant, I went through something traumatic (the pathetic resolution to ‘Lost’?). A Foetus will repel emotional upsets by pushing it back down into the umbilical cord, and Faeryn is still doing this with her foot-swiping… so what we can do is give her some resistance by pressing back into her feet.
The main thing we took from the session is that when Faeryn goes into her distressed mode, we need to give her space to expel it (let her cry it out?) whilst working with giving her the resistance. The therapist also indicated that she is carrying a lot of distress, so who knows how long this would go on for. As Bo and I walked away from the session, I felt quite burdened and Bo felt disappointed. Now we just think “Poppycock!” He didn’t address the colic in any way so we’ll just keep going with the Gripe Water. We will of course implement the resistance thing and see how she responds.
It’s very heart-wrenching seeing Fae in so much pain with the trapped wind, and your mind races with all the things you’ve read, trying all the different techniques to move the wind for her. Bo has been absolutely brilliant with his research and willingness to try anything, he massages her and gives her leg exercises every evening, pushing her legs into her belly. Maybe the Gripe Water will prove to be all we need.
But enough about me and my self-development. A week or so ago Faeryn started holding her fist in the air like Superman, and now it is both fists so she looks like she wants to drive. It is wonderful watching the changes happen. Faeryn shows she has developed a lot of strength in her neck as she holds her head beautifully. We give her as much tummy-time as she can handle and she has gone from completely opposing tummy-time to looking quite comfortable with it, lifting her head and looking from side to side. She seems to be making connections with how she can move her body depending on where her hands are placed, so I’m sure it won’t be long before she is ready to roll over.
Last Sunday Faeryn had her very first swim lesson. She seemed to be curious about the environment and activity, taking it all in with a relatively willing attitude. Bodra did a great job with her in the pool as she remained quite calm until the end, where she may have been feeling the cold. The water wasn’t particularly warm but the room was heated up. Faeryn appeared to have no real issue with lying on her chest in the water, but she was a bit uptight with lying on her back. Faeryn will have nine more sessions and then we will see how things go. You can watch her Baby Splash action via the movies and the pics.
So, I finished the last blog entry the day before Carolyn left. Faeryn has since had many visitors! Maria visited again and Nik, Dawn, Kim and Ezra visited us the weekend after Carolyn left. (Bo watched the Crusaders vs Sharks game at Twickenham stadium on March 27th, with proceeds from the tickets going towards Red Cross fundraising for the Christchurch earthquake appeal.) Our friends Dan and Liz gave birth to their son Hunter Joseph Kerr on my birthday and a couple days later, Mum and Dad arrived. We were only expecting my Mum so it was a wonderful surprise when I answered the door to find my Daddy there! Mum and Dad’s friends, Pat and Mary Taylor, gifted Dad his airfare, as well as some spending money and even put Jimi (Mum and Dad’s dog) in a farm stay near Bethells Beach.
We really enjoyed their visit, it was so lovely sharing Faeryn with them and having all their support. They both gave us a big hand all over the house and with our garden- we’ve gotten rid of our vegie patch as I just don’t see how we will have time to care for vegies this year. And to be honest, after our attempt last year was mostly thwarted by nature, Bo and I just don’t fancy investing any time there.
So whilst Mum and Dad visited we mostly stayed at home- I was still very much in the mode of recovery and regaining strength, and they do say you should treat the first three months with you baby like it is the fourth trimester- keep them cuddled up close to you and don’t do too much! We ventured out to the pub a couple times, going for a walk along the river to the nearby Cunning Man in Burghfield and The Griffin in Caversham. At the end of Mum and Dad’s first week here, our friend Jo gave birth to her second son, Jacob John Bostandji, on Jo’s birthday- April 15th. Lauren also came for a visit.
Bo went to Madrid for work in their second week, and Dewi took us to Hungerford for a browse around the antique stores. Mum and I went to Oxford one evening to catch Derren Brown’s latest performance, Svengali, which was quite impressive!
During their last week, Suzanne and Stephen visited from March, as well as Jenny and her daughter-in-law from Guildford. We also managed a small trip down to Hailsham to visit family friends May and Arthur, stopping at Beachy Head for a quick peek in the blustery wind! On their last day Mum and Dad went into London to see the “We Will Rock You” show, which they highly recommended.
Mum and Dad began their journey home the day before the Royal Wedding of Kate and Will. Faeryn and I joined Dewi at her home for a special lunch to watch the wedding. Faeryn spent all the time nursing and sleeping and didn’t give a hoot for Kate’s dress.
Paul visited us on the first Sunday of May and took us out to Swallowfield to the George and the Dragon pub for lunch which was a lovely treat. It seems like Paul has such a natural ability with babies- Faeryn showed she is very comfortable when receiving his attention.
In early May Faeryn had her first lot of immunisations which she took pretty well with no real after effects. We then joined the Little Ducklings group at the Katesgrove Children’s Centre, where parents and their wee tots sing songs and learn baby signs. Sadly the funding for the baby signs aspect ran out and now it’s just singing, but it will still be worthwhile attending so Faeryn can interact with other bubbies. I managed to strike up a friendship with one of the other mothers (Anna) who lives very close to us, and we’ve been over to each others house for tea, chat and a chance for our girls to interact. Emma is a couple months older than Faeryn so I’m quite fascinated by her, seeing how she is developing as a guide to what Faeryn will be like with time. Emma has really warm smiles and super sparkly eyes which convey so much emotion. They visited yesterday and as they lay on the play mat together it seemed like Emma reached out her hand to Faeryn, but Faeryn was more focused on her mobiles (like in this video). I hope to see more of both Anna and Emma.
Last Monday I had my final session in the New Parent Group, where I have learnt about play and development, baby massage, sleep routines and approaches to weaning. I might join the group again so I can repeat the baby massage part- Faeryn responded so well to it but unfortunately my memory can not recall the positions we used.
In the second week of May Bo journeyed to Abu Dhabi for work- ”It was hot.” He didn’t get much chance to experience the place due to being so busy with the clients (like usual).
We had our first adventure as a family on the third weekend of May. Of course, we went out for food, a delicious lunch at Bill’s, our new favourite cafe. Afterwards we wandered along the River Thames where we were blown about and spotted Spring creatures.
We had a few more visits from friends in May. Kim and Ezra visited on the first weekend of May, and Dewi also popped by. We made a special delicious chocolate cake for the visit, in the shape of a butterfly! Ez and Kim had gifted me some fantastic baking tools for my birthday- a butterfly shaped cake mould and animal shaped cookie cutters- and it was great having an excuse to use them. Lauren and Adam stopped by when Bo got back from his work trip to Abu Dhabi, and at the end of May, Russell and Alanna came out to Reading to visit Faeryn. We hadn’t seen them since the Baby Shower so it was great being able to catch up. Rachael, Paul and Bump visited on the Spring Bank Holiday where it rained and for some odd reason (empty cupboards) we decided to walk down to the supermarket to pick up lunch items. I think Rachael had about nine weeks to go at that point, and I enjoyed walking with her, feeling super protective of her and Bump.
On the 31st of May our friend Sally gave birth to her twins Ella and Oscar, both just under 6lbs and all healthy. I haven’t met them yet but they certainly take gorgeous photos!
Faeryn had her second lot of immunisations at the beginning of June. This time things were a little different- Faeryn had a longer than usual nap that afternoon and when she woke she felt warmer. I checked her temperature which appeared to be normal, so perhaps it was just a case of New Mum Paranoia. It will be interesting to see how she fares from her last lot of immunisations in July.
Bo, Faeryn and I ventured to Windsor for the first weekend of June. I had a hankering for fudge from the Fudge Kitchen, and we also wanted to test Faeryn on the train. It was a super hot day and the train did not have air conditioning, so both Bo and I sweated whilst Faeryn slept.
We got out to Windsor and enjoyed lunch at GBK, then went for a walk along the Long Walk. I guess it was a bit too much for Faeryn as she was quite up and down emotionally. She didn’t like being in the pram either so Bo carried her some of the time… she really does have us wrapped around her itty bitty fingers!
The following weekend we all went to London for Rachael’s baby shower and Paul’s wetting the babies head. This was the first time I’d been into London since last year. Both Bo and I were in an awesome state of delirium- Bo had just returned from Jubail that morning and I hadn’t had much sleep whilst he’d been away, but we were both pleased we made the effort- bus, train, tubes, bus and walk (repeat). The area Paul, Rachael and Bump live in, Crouch Hill, is pretty special. We stepped off the bus and both remarked on how the air smelt- really fresh and enlivening! The homes we walked past are full of character with sprawling front gardens and tall trees.
It was great seeing all the ladies at Rach’s, and I was able to witness Rach’s belly cast being created- Kim and Kaaren did a great job covering Bump in the plaster bandages, I look forward to seeing the finished work. I couldn’t help out as Faeryn kept me pretty tied-up- nursing, soothing, trying to put to sleep, re-soothing, soothing again… gah!! As Rach’s profession is being a Nanny, a couple of the ladies there are also Nannies, and they all recommended we give Infacol a try, so on our way home when Bo and I reached Paddington we picked some up from Boots. Anna had also recommended it, and Mum said she had shares in the Infacol company when I was a baby.
In the middle of June Dewi took Faeryn and I out to Grey’s Court, a National Trust estate near Henley. We started off with a lovely lunch- I had a smoked salmon tart (yes, I’m totally eating fish again- damn you Bill’s and your delicious fish finger sandwich!) and then went for a walk around the grounds. Sadly our afternoon amble was cut short as I stumbled into a hole in the ground and sprained my ankle. I had been carrying Faeryn on my front so I got quite a fright at the thought that I could’ve hurt her in my carelessness. Luckily the sprain healed up nicely- it’s still a little tender, but with a bit of rest I’m right as rain… (what is so right about rain??) Olga visited the following day and gifted us with the Gripe Water. She’s due with her second girl at the end of this month, so we’re eagerly awaiting news!
So that’s pretty much all of us caught up now. Bo is on paid time off now for the next two weeks. On Monday we’ll be driving to Manchester and staying in a hotel for the night, all so that I can see Bjork. She is doing a show called Biophilia at the Manchester International Festival and lucky me I will be seeing the very first performance in the world!!! I’m going on my own which is something I’ve never done before and I’m ever so thrilled. On Tuesday morning we’ll drive to Stockport to check out the cemetery again and try to find Jessica Lowe’s headstone for Mum. We’ll be back in Reading on Tuesday evening, and then on Thursday we’ll be adventuring with Kim and Ezra to Scotland, returning the following Monday. We have two nights in Edinburgh and two nights in Newtonmore, in the Cairngorms. Whilst in Scotland we’ll be going to the Go Ape centre in Aberfoyle where Kim, Ezra and Bodra will enjoy two over 400m long zip wires. I’ll be carrying Faeryn along a trail through Queen Elizabeth Forest Park, sharing nature with her. Not quite as adrenaline pumping as flying through the forest, but it will be great to have some time surrounded by trees.
Well, I hope this entry was worth reading! It certainly was fun adding all the pics of Faeryn- isn’t she a cutie-pie and hasn’t she grown so much already! I hope all is wonderful, wherever you are! May you always be well, may you be filled with peace and may you feel loved!
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