The Adventures of Bear and Butterfly

Well, looking out the window you certainly do not sense it is Summer.  The trees have been swaying in the wind almost continually for the past few weeks.  I hang the washing out with some trepidation as grey clouds loom overhead.  It’s a much greater risk these days, as should it start to rain, I may be too tied up with Faeryn to rescue the laundry!  Although in saying this, Monday is set to be one of the hottest days yet at 32 degrees.

Bo and I have the utmost respect for single parents.  Nearly four months into it and still parenthood feels like the greatest challenge life has to offer- we only have one baby too!  I have no idea how my sister Michelle managed to raise her young boys, pretty much on her own, with family support too far away to be of any real help.  Michelle- you have our deepest admiration!

At this point we both can agree that Faeryn could not exactly be described as an easy-going baby.  Sometimes it feels like it is just getting harder and harder, you overcome one obstacle and another flairs up.  Firstly it was trying to get Faeryn to nurse from me, then stressing about her weight gain, then trying to get her to sleep better.  Right now it is colic and I’m sure once that is sussed it will be teething! Faeryn is not much of a burper, and we celebrate her burps and farts with much excitement.  We had her on Infacol, and now Gripe Water (thanks Olga!) which helps her to fart and burp I think (or they’re just way more audible now). It would be wonderful if babies were built with a wind release button!

On Thursday we saw a Craniosacral Therapist who specialises in treating babies with colic.  We really hoped it would be the solution, but the session left us feeling heavy and doubtful.  Faeryn gave a pretty good performance with her wailing and demonstrating her frustration (possibly because she had a wet nappy and was hungry).  The therapist picked up on some of her body language.  Faeryn forcefully strikes her belly with her left hand, possibly in the area where she is feeling the trapped gas, and when she started doing this in the session, the therapist pressed down on that area, and suggested we do the same.  Faeryn also demonstrated her foot-swiping.  I thought she was doing this because her skin is quite irritated there- she also rubs behind her knees where the skin is particularly raw.  The therapist offered a pretty fluffy explanation for this foot-swiping, saying that when I was pregnant, I went through something traumatic (the pathetic resolution to ‘Lost’?).  A Foetus will repel emotional upsets by pushing it back down into the umbilical cord, and Faeryn is still doing this with her foot-swiping… so what we can do is give her some resistance by pressing back into her feet.

The main thing we took from the session is that when Faeryn goes into her distressed mode, we need to give her space to expel it (let her cry it out?) whilst working with giving her the resistance.  The therapist also indicated that she is carrying a lot of distress, so who knows how long this would go on for.  As Bo and I walked away from the session, I felt quite burdened and Bo felt disappointed.  Now we just think “Poppycock!”  He didn’t address the colic in any way so we’ll just keep going with the Gripe Water.  We will of course implement the resistance thing and see how she responds.

It’s very heart-wrenching seeing Fae in so much pain with the trapped wind, and your mind races with all the things you’ve read, trying all the different techniques to move the wind for her. Bo has been absolutely brilliant with his research and willingness to try anything, he massages her and gives her leg exercises every evening, pushing her legs into her belly.  Maybe the Gripe Water will prove to be all we need.

But enough about me and my self-development.  A week or so ago Faeryn started holding her fist in the air like Superman, and now it is both fists so she looks like she wants to drive.  It is wonderful watching the changes happen.  Faeryn shows she has developed a lot of strength in her neck as she holds her head beautifully.  We give her as much tummy-time as she can handle and she has gone from completely opposing tummy-time to looking quite comfortable with it, lifting her head and looking from side to side.  She seems to be making connections with how she can move her body depending on where her hands are placed, so I’m sure it won’t be long before she is ready to roll over.

Last Sunday Faeryn had her very first swim lesson.  She seemed to be curious about the environment and activity, taking it all in with a relatively willing attitude.  Bodra did a great job with her in the pool as she remained quite calm until the end, where she may have been feeling the cold.  The water wasn’t particularly warm but the room was heated up.  Faeryn appeared to have no real issue with lying on her chest in the water, but she was a bit uptight with lying on her back.  Faeryn will have nine more sessions and then we will see how things go.  You can watch her Baby Splash action via the movies and the pics.

So, I finished the last blog entry the day before Carolyn left.  Faeryn has since had many visitors!  Maria visited again and Nik, Dawn, Kim and Ezra visited us the weekend after Carolyn left.  (Bo watched the Crusaders vs Sharks game at Twickenham stadium on March 27th, with proceeds from the tickets going towards Red Cross fundraising for the Christchurch earthquake appeal.)  Our friends Dan and Liz gave birth to their son Hunter Joseph Kerr on my birthday and a couple days later, Mum and Dad arrived.  We were only expecting my Mum so it was a wonderful surprise when I answered the door to find my Daddy there!  Mum and Dad’s friends, Pat and Mary Taylor, gifted Dad his airfare, as well as some spending money and even put Jimi (Mum and Dad’s dog) in a farm stay near Bethells Beach.

We really enjoyed their visit, it was so lovely sharing Faeryn with them and having all their support.  They both gave us a big hand all over the house and with our garden- we’ve gotten rid of our vegie patch as I just don’t see how we will have time to care for vegies this year.  And to be honest, after our attempt last year was mostly thwarted by nature, Bo and I just don’t fancy investing any time there.

So whilst Mum and Dad visited we mostly stayed at home- I was still very much in the mode of recovery and regaining strength, and they do say you should treat the first three months with you baby like it is the fourth trimester- keep them cuddled up close to you and don’t do too much!  We ventured out to the pub a couple times, going for a walk along the river to the nearby Cunning Man in Burghfield and The Griffin in Caversham.  At the end of Mum and Dad’s first week here, our friend Jo gave birth to her second son, Jacob John Bostandji, on Jo’s birthday- April 15th.  Lauren also came for a visit.

Bo went to Madrid for work in their second week, and Dewi took us to Hungerford for a browse around the antique stores.  Mum and I went to Oxford one evening to catch Derren Brown’s latest performance, Svengali, which was quite impressive!

During their last week, Suzanne and Stephen visited from March, as well as Jenny and her daughter-in-law from Guildford.  We also managed a small trip down to Hailsham to visit family friends May and Arthur, stopping at Beachy Head for a quick peek in the blustery wind!  On their last day Mum and Dad went into London to see the “We Will Rock You” show, which they highly recommended.

Mum and Dad began their journey home the day before the Royal Wedding of Kate and Will.  Faeryn and I joined Dewi at her home for a special lunch to watch the wedding.  Faeryn spent all the time nursing and sleeping and didn’t give a hoot for Kate’s dress.

Paul visited us on the first Sunday of May and took us out to Swallowfield to the George and the Dragon pub for lunch which was a lovely treat.  It seems like Paul has such a natural ability with babies- Faeryn showed she is very comfortable when receiving his attention.

In early May Faeryn had her first lot of immunisations which she took pretty well with no real after effects.  We then joined the Little Ducklings group at the Katesgrove Children’s Centre, where parents and their wee tots sing songs and learn baby signs.  Sadly the funding for the baby signs aspect ran out and now it’s just singing, but it will still be worthwhile attending so Faeryn can interact with other bubbies.  I managed to strike up a friendship with one of the other mothers (Anna) who lives very close to us, and we’ve been over to each others house for tea, chat and a chance for our girls to interact.  Emma is a couple months older than Faeryn so I’m quite fascinated by her, seeing how she is developing as a guide to what Faeryn will be like with time.  Emma has really warm smiles and super sparkly eyes which convey so much emotion.  They visited yesterday and as they lay on the play mat together it seemed like Emma reached out her hand to Faeryn, but Faeryn was more focused on her mobiles (like in this video).  I hope to see more of both Anna and Emma.

Last Monday I had my final session in the New Parent Group, where I have learnt about play and development, baby massage, sleep routines and approaches to weaning.  I might join the group again so I can repeat the baby massage part- Faeryn responded so well to it but unfortunately my memory can not recall the positions we used.

In the second week of May Bo journeyed to Abu Dhabi for work- ”It was hot.”  He didn’t get much chance to experience the place due to being so busy with the clients (like usual).

We had our first adventure as a family on the third weekend of May.  Of course, we went out for food, a delicious lunch at Bill’s, our new favourite cafe.  Afterwards we wandered along the River Thames where we were blown about and spotted Spring creatures.

We had a few more visits from friends in May.  Kim and Ezra visited on the first weekend of May, and Dewi also popped by.  We made a special delicious chocolate cake for the visit, in the shape of a butterfly!  Ez and Kim had gifted me some fantastic baking tools for my birthday- a butterfly shaped cake mould and animal shaped cookie cutters- and it was great having an excuse to use them.  Lauren and Adam stopped by when Bo got back from his work trip to Abu Dhabi, and at the end of May, Russell and Alanna came out to Reading to visit Faeryn.  We hadn’t seen them since the Baby Shower so it was great being able to catch up.  Rachael, Paul and Bump visited on the Spring Bank Holiday where it rained and for some odd reason (empty cupboards) we decided to walk down to the supermarket to pick up lunch items.  I think Rachael had about nine weeks to go at that point, and I enjoyed walking with her, feeling super protective of her and Bump.

On the 31st of May our friend Sally gave birth to her twins Ella and Oscar, both just under 6lbs and all healthy.  I haven’t met them yet but they certainly take gorgeous photos!

Faeryn had her second lot of immunisations at the beginning of June.  This time things were a little different- Faeryn had a longer than usual nap that afternoon and when she woke she felt warmer.  I checked her temperature which appeared to be normal, so perhaps it was just a case of New Mum Paranoia.  It will be interesting to see how she fares from her last lot of immunisations in July.

Bo, Faeryn and I ventured to Windsor for the first weekend of June.  I had a hankering for fudge from the Fudge Kitchen, and we also wanted to test Faeryn on the train.  It was a super hot day and the train did not have air conditioning, so both Bo and I sweated whilst Faeryn slept.

We got out to Windsor and enjoyed lunch at GBK, then went for a walk along the Long Walk.  I guess it was a bit too much for Faeryn as she was quite up and down emotionally.  She didn’t like being in the pram either so Bo carried her some of the time… she really does have us wrapped around her itty bitty fingers!

The following weekend we all went to London for Rachael’s baby shower and Paul’s wetting the babies head.  This was the first time I’d been into London since last year.  Both Bo and I were in an awesome state of delirium- Bo had just returned from Jubail that morning and I hadn’t had much sleep whilst he’d been away, but we were both pleased we made the effort- bus, train, tubes, bus and walk (repeat).  The area Paul, Rachael and Bump live in, Crouch Hill, is pretty special.  We stepped off the bus and both remarked on how the air smelt- really fresh and enlivening!  The homes we walked past are full of character with sprawling front gardens and tall trees.

It was great seeing all the ladies at Rach’s, and I was able to witness Rach’s belly cast being created- Kim and Kaaren did a great job covering Bump in the plaster bandages, I look forward to seeing the finished work.  I couldn’t help out as Faeryn kept me pretty tied-up- nursing, soothing, trying to put to sleep, re-soothing, soothing again… gah!!  As Rach’s profession is being a Nanny, a couple of the ladies there are also Nannies, and they all recommended we give Infacol a try, so on our way home when Bo and I reached Paddington we picked some up from Boots.  Anna had also recommended it, and Mum said she had shares in the Infacol company when I was a baby.

In the middle of June Dewi took Faeryn and I out to Grey’s Court, a National Trust estate near Henley.  We started off with a lovely lunch- I had a smoked salmon tart (yes, I’m totally eating fish again- damn you Bill’s and your delicious fish finger sandwich!) and then went for a walk around the grounds.  Sadly our afternoon amble was cut short as I stumbled into a hole in the ground and sprained my ankle.  I had been carrying Faeryn on my front so I got quite a fright at the thought that I could’ve hurt her in my carelessness.  Luckily the sprain healed up nicely- it’s still a little tender, but with a bit of rest I’m right as rain… (what is so right about rain??)  Olga visited the following day and gifted us with the Gripe Water.  She’s due with her second girl at the end of this month, so we’re eagerly awaiting news!

So that’s pretty much all of us caught up now.  Bo is on paid time off now for the next two weeks.  On Monday we’ll be driving to Manchester and staying in a hotel for the night, all so that I can see Bjork.  She is doing a show called Biophilia at the Manchester International Festival and lucky me I will be seeing the very first performance in the world!!!  I’m going on my own which is something I’ve never done before and I’m ever so thrilled.  On Tuesday morning we’ll drive to Stockport to check out the cemetery again and try to find Jessica Lowe’s headstone for Mum.  We’ll be back in Reading on Tuesday evening, and then on Thursday we’ll be adventuring with Kim and Ezra to Scotland, returning the following Monday.  We have two nights in Edinburgh and two nights in Newtonmore, in the Cairngorms.  Whilst in Scotland we’ll be going to the Go Ape centre in Aberfoyle where Kim, Ezra and Bodra will enjoy two over 400m long zip wires.  I’ll be carrying Faeryn along a trail through Queen Elizabeth Forest Park, sharing nature with her.  Not quite as adrenaline pumping as flying through the forest, but it will be great to have some time surrounded by trees.

Well, I hope this entry was worth reading!  It certainly was fun adding all the pics of Faeryn- isn’t she a cutie-pie and hasn’t she grown so much already!  I hope all is wonderful, wherever you are!  May you always be well, may you be filled with peace and may you feel loved!

The estimated due date for Faeryn’s arrival was initially the 23rd of February, but at our second scan it was changed to the 25th.  Both of these dates came and went without any labour niggles.  I wasn’t even sure I had ‘dropped’- looking at my reflection in the mirror each day, I just wasn’t certain that my shape had changed.  Bodra and I went out for a few walks around the neighbourhood and tested out Cafe Madras, our local Indian.  Bodra and Dewi both worked some of my acupressure points to trigger labour, to no avail.  The anticipation for both of us was tremendous, all we could really think about was, when will it happen?  Why hasn’t it happened yet?  When will my waters break?  We had a Dr’s appointment scheduled for Tuesday the 1st of March, where a date would be set for my hospital induction.  This weighed heavily on my mind as I really didn’t want to be in hospital or have to go through any medical procedure.

The delay was good though as it allowed us to get a few things sorted.  I guess I did a little bit of nesting earlier on, the extractor fan above the stove was dusted, degreased and made to gleam.  Some of the floors were scrubbed, me on my hands and knees.  By Monday night I had even found the motivation to finish my first assignment for my Psychotherapy course.  This kept me up past 1am, but I was so pleased to finally have it sealed in a stamped envelope, ready to be posted the next day.

A few hours later I was awake, some time after 4am.  I was quite uncomfortable lying in bed, I seemed to be experiencing cramping, so I got up with bleary eyes and wandered into Bodra’s room to tell him I thought today would be the day, but he could stay in bed if he wanted.  My waters hadn’t broken yet so I wasn’t sure if this was the start of labour.

I went downstairs to watch a movie and Bodra was right behind me.  My choice for the occasion- a pretty bland Jessica Alba movie called “The Sleeping Dictionary”.  I didn’t really take in much of the movie as the sensations I was experiencing kept building and I had to keep going upstairs into the bathroom to empty myself.  I tried to sit on the birth ball but I felt too much pressure below, so I tried a few different positions, mostly up on my knees curling over something else- the birth ball or the back of the couch.

My memory is a bit hazy so I’m not sure of the timing of everything.  We started using the TENS machine (Transcutaneous Electrical Nerve Stimulator) which was absolutely brilliant.  I had the controls so every time a surge came I could put it on boost which definitely took care of any building tension.  I then had a hot bath part way through the movie, soaking in synergy bath oil, a combination of Lavender, Marjoram and Geranium oils. While there I had a scary thought that I wasn’t going to cope as a mother, that I wouldn’t be able to be a mother.  (It’s still a thought I hold, and I guess every new mum must feel this thought, but every day it diminishes ever so slightly as I gain confidence with handling Faeryn.)  I shared this thought with Bodra, along with a torrent of tears, but Bodra reassured me and allowed me to let it go a little by taking responsibility for our well-being.  He’s pretty awesome.

I hobbled back downstairs, now wearing Bodra’s Hong Kong Phooey shirt- I needed some super powers to get me through what was to come I guess.  The surges started to come so thick and fast, it was all very strange as it just felt like suddenly it was all on.  I managed to get a text out to friends and whanau at about 8:30am and Bodra made a call to the Midwifery Unit to alert them to my state.  By 9:30am the first midwife arrived, a second wasn’t too far behind her along with another medical carer- not too sure what her role was but she basically sat in the background not saying very much.  I think things slowed down a bit when they arrived- by this stage I was on my knees on the couch, my face buried in the back of the couch, one hand clutching the TENS machine the other holding onto the couch, riding through the surges, but then they seemed to dissipate somewhat.  I stood up and wandered around the room a bit, leaning up against the cool wall as a surge went through me which was quite soothing.  Sometimes through the surge I would go to Bodra for a cuddle which was really lovely.  I had a good vomit at one point bringing up the protein shake I had managed to get down an hour or so earlier.

The midwife wanted to examine me and to do so she needed me lying down which horrified me as I didn’t think I could keep still given the sensations I was experiencing.  I had a sense that the midwives didn’t think I was very far along and were thinking of leaving us, which I knew I didn’t want.  It was more that I didn’t want to go through the palaver of having strangers come back a few hours later and interrupting our space again.  I was really happy with just Bodra being there and being left to follow my body where it went.  It was scary but at the same time I trusted what was going on for me.  So I managed to lie down for the midwife and the examination was very quick.  I didn’t hear what her findings were until Bodra asked me if I knew what had been discovered- it turned out I was fully dilated and Faeryn would be here very soon.

Every so often one of the midwives would decide they wanted to check Faeryn’s heart beat, which was always a scary moment, but I just focused on breathing calmly and sending her soothing energy.  Any sign of her being under distress would mean we’d be transferred to the hospital.  Thankfully each time Faeryn showed an expected heart beat and we could carry on.  We could also see how she was moving inside me as each time the monitor was positioned somewhere new.

The birth pool was still being filled with warm water- Bodra had gone into the background somewhat once the midwives arrived, busying himself with the birth pool.  This must have frustrated him a bit as I’m sure he wanted to stay by my side throughout.  I stayed up on the couch and my lower half began to make this sort of hard bucking motion, like I was retching from below.  The noises I was making also changed into a deeper pushing sound.  I tried to keep my jaw relaxed and my mouth open wide without tension in my face.  The main midwife reminded me to relax my shoulders which was a great cue.

Soon the birth pool was ready.  We took the TENS machine off me and I quickly got into the pool with Bodra.   The warm water provided instant relief and I remember giving a huge sigh as the water rose around my lower half.  I held onto the sides or around Bodra’s shoulders as the surges came and the pushing grew stronger.  At one moment I managed to attend to Bodra’s face and felt a huge wave of love as his support and nurture flowed back into me, making me feel strong and amazing.  I kissed him and became softer for the kisses.

I could feel Faeryn moving down but at the end of the surge there was the sense she was being pulled back up a bit too.   I knew I didn’t want it to be a drawn-out process for her, I didn’t want her to be under any more stress than necessary, so I made up my mind to really use the surges to bring her out.  As the next surge came I focused on opening myself wide and bringing her down.  I kept thinking about the ring of fire and how as soon as I felt that, it would mean the labour would be nearly over.  Soon I was able to reach down and feel her head- it was quite soft and kind of covered in jelly.  I could feel excitement building in the room.  The next surge came and at 11:34am Faeryn was out, being propelled into the water, floating into our hands.

Bodra says I made the O face then, I remember kind of gasping back tears and laughter… complete disbelief that we had created a real live human being, someone so perfect.  We held her in the water to keep her body a comfortable temperature.  I wanted to check to be certain she was a girl but I really had no idea what I was looking at.  I was afraid to touch her but at the same time wanted her right with me.

Eventually we came out of the pool which was now more of a blood bath- really glad we got into the pool as opposed to delivering on the couch!  We kept the cord attached and waited for the placenta to be birthed.  Unfortunately it seemed all my pushing urges had disappeared.  The midwives gave us forty minutes with the cord attached to Faeryn before suggesting we clamp and cut the cord.  Bodra did the honours and then held Faeryn while I concentrated on the placenta.  I tried coughing to release the placenta- no luck.  I then went upstairs with the midwife and sat on the toilet trying to push out the placenta- still no luck.  So the next step was to take the syntometrine injection.  Back down on the couch the midwife dosed me in the thigh.  We waited ten minutes or so and she gave a gentle tug on the cord.  It didn’t come immediately, it was still attached to the uterus wall, but eventually it was birthed.  I feel like this separation from Faeryn and the fuss with the placenta has had an impact on how we bonded and our lack of success in breast-feeding, but I guess there wasn’t any other path available to us at the time.

Next the midwives wanted to check me over.  They then discovered that I had a potentially third degree tear which required a hospital opinion.  So I quickly showered, dressed, packed a bag for Faeryn and I and then the ambulance turned up.  Dewi also arrived at this time which was perfectly timed- we had just been trying to work out the logistics of getting Bodra over to the hospital as there wasn’t enough room in the ambulance for him.  Faeryn was put into a sleepsuit and wrapped up in the receiving blanket mum had knitted for her.  I held her to my body and got into the ambulance, lying on the stretcher.

At Royal Berkshire Hospital I was wheeled into the maternity ward.  I had a room as well as a midwife to myself which was great.  Bodra wasn’t too far behind us.  The surgeon checked me over and it was decided I did have a third degree tear.  Next the anaesthetist came in and explained what was required and the risks involved.  I was wheeled into the surgery and all sorts of things were attached to me.  The anaesthetist tried three times to put the IV drip into me, trying twice in my left hand and then finally getting it in my right hand.  I still had bruises two weeks after that adventure.  I was given an injection of diamorphine into my spine, which blocked my pain-sensing nerves from the lower half of my body.  During the procedure the anaesthetist checked the drug was working by spraying parts of my body with icy cold water.  I could feel the water but I couldn’t sense that it was icy.  They adjusted the position of my legs so the drug washed further down to my feet and soon everything from the waist down felt heavy and immoveable.  My legs were completely tuned out from my mind, I had no power over them and the surgeons flopped them into the stirrups.  The stitches were soon in place and then I was being lifted into another stretcher and taken back into my room where Bodra was waiting anxiously with a sleeping Faeryn.

Next was a waiting game, waiting for the diamorphine to wear off so that we could go home, which is the impression the anaesthetist had left us with.  I kept thinking, “Wiggle your big toe!” to no avail.  The mid-wife sorted out a sandwich and banana for my dinner (nothing for Bodra) and shortly after I had wolfed that down (my first meal that day) I was being told I would be staying the night.  They wheeled me into a different ward- goodbye room to myself.  I found myself in a large room with four beds curtained off from one another.  In our space there was only a chair for Bodra, nowhere for him to stay the night and we were told he’d have to leave at 9pm which made me feel incredibly distraught.  Faeryn was kept just beside me in a clear plastic container thingo (not really a cot, not really a moses basket, more like the fruit and veg drawer in the fridge) all wrapped up in the receiving blanket.

By this point I hadn’t really established breast feeding with Faeryn and no one had been in to talk to me about this.  I was really tired from all the action of the day and feeling odd as the diamorphine wore off.  I just lay, gazing at Faeryn or cuddling her.  I felt quite conscious of my long nails and not wanting to scratch her.  (One of the first things I did once I got home was to clip my nails.)

It was very difficult to get any rest throughout the night.  Besides being hyper-alert towards Faeryn (is she breathing?  What’s that sound?  Is she warm enough?), through the paper-thin walls I could hear women delivering their babies with very stressful cries.  The other women in the room with me had their newborns so baby cries were added to the mix, along with bright white lights being switched on and off.  Part way through the night a midwife came in to empty my bladder which is when I discovered I had a catheter.  I had no idea that had been inserted during the surgery.

Early in the morning a lady with an odd accent came up to my bed very brusquely, wanting to give me pain relief.  I guess I was still feeling the effects from the surgery so I declined, but later on in the day I started taking paracetamol and ibuprofen.  I still take it at the moment but not as much as I started with.

Breakfast was served around 8am (mueslie, cold burnt toast, juice and a cup of tea) and soon Bodra returned, joy!  He told me Kim and Ezra had cleaned out our birth pool and left all sorts of treats for us- chockies, fruit, crystal friends and made a chick-pea casserole.  Very spoilt!  They were waiting to visit us in hospital so we invited them in, but sadly it turned out there were strict visiting hours for friends from 3pm - 9pm.  I got to hear their voices before they were being warded off by a midwife- drat!

The catheter and drip were taken out before lunch which made me feel more able to hold Faeryn.  There was still no mention of when I’d be able to go home, and as it turned out the midwives wanted to see me breastfeed successfully before releasing me.  I felt really stressed out from the exhaustion of being there so it was a real struggle to feed Faeryn.  We ended up staying a second night and the midwives were on hand to help with the feeding.  They were very forceful in trying to get Faeryn to latch, really working at her for a long time despite her explicit distress.  Eventually the midwives saw what they wanted and we were able to go home on Thursday afternoon.  Dewi picked us up and we sorted Faeryn into her carseat, demonstrating to the midwives that we had the skills.

Thursday evening and night was incredibly hard on us as we couldn’t get Faeryn to feed.  We were all so depleted energy-wise and the situation felt incredibly desperate.  Luckily Bodra has awesome problem solving skills and on Friday morning he went out to town and picked up nipple shields and a breast pump.  Shortly after he returned a midwife turned up and assisted with feeding, but it was still very much a struggle to get Faeryn to latch on naturally.  Faeryn was weighed then and it showed she had lost over 12% of her birth weight.  It is a standard procedure to be taken to hospital with that result, but as the midwife incorrectly estimated the percentage we were able to skip that requirement.

The following day another midwife visited and Faeryn showed a gain of 40gms.  We also had a visit from Kim and Dewi that afternoon.  Kim travelled all the way from Bow, London to Reading just to deliver us her delicious lasagne and cuddles- THANKS KIM!!!  And Dewi brought more muslin cloths and new nipple shields- ones which had a cut out so Faeryn could still smell my skin as she suckled.  Faeryn initially wasn’t into these shields but now she goes for gold on them- hurrah!

On Sunday Faeryn showed a gain of 100gms, however, the visiting midwife told us Faeryn had oral thrush, so Bodra had to go out and pick up the medicine.  This may have been an explanation for why she wasn’t into my nipple, but later on in the week the retired midwife at the breast-feeding network clinic advised us it wasn’t oral thrush- Faeryn just has a white discolouration on the roof of her mouth.  We saw our GP on Friday who confirmed this assessment so Faeryn and I have been off the medication.

As the days have gone on we are yet to achieve any real success with direct breast feeding, but the nipple shields have been so fantastic.  Faeryn has changed so much over the past two weeks, she is vital and filling out.  We had her weighed again for her 10 day check and she proved to be just 90gm shy of her original birth weight.  We are certain she is well over her birth weight now, especially as some days Faeryn can be feeding nearly constantly for multiple hours!  We’ve had lots of support throughout, the midwives visited nearly everyday until day 10, we’ve also made use of the local breast feeding network clinics.  Last Monday we had a Health Visitor who gave us loads of time, and encouraged us just to continue as we are, and yesterday we talked to a lady from the La Leche League.  Our latest concern has been the amount of spillage Faeryn makes- there’s been a few occasions recently where it’s come out like a geyser!

So the mode is to take it easy and not stress too much about using the shield- if she is getting her milk, that is all that matters.  I’ll keep trying to get her on naturally, but I don’t need to be concerned as it isn’t harming her in any way.  Yesterday Faeryn did actually latch on to my left nipple, of her own accord after I had given her a feed- I guess she was just doing it for comfort as I’m not sure if she actually got any milk, but it was a most joyous moment!

Carolyn arrived the Monday before last and has been keeping our house in better condition than before I was pregnant.  We are also super well-fed and nurtured.  Carolyn managed to bring the best weather we have had in months, blue skies, sunshine, perfect for doing the laundry which she has taken on with great gusto!  Last Tuesday we came back from the breast feeding network clinic to find fresh bed sheets!

Last weekend we had a visit from Tony, Liz and Roger on Saturday and Paul, Rachael and baby boy bump on Sunday, and yesterday Noa, David, Olga and baby girl bump also came by.  It was delightful sharing Faeryn with everyone and hearing how beautiful everyone thinks she is!  :-)

For more photos of Faeryn… please visit Faeryn’s flickr set!

And here are some videos of Faeryn!